To
set the scene of this bizarre tragedy, I will take you back to the summer of
2013, the wet, I mean wet, summer of 2013 in the state of North Carolina. The
weekly weather delays on the eGolf Professional Tour, this time at Rock Barn
Golf Club in Conover, were beginning to pile up and the frustration was
building amongst the tour’s regular grinders.
This particular event
happened to be a riding-event, a rare treat on the East-coast tour. With well
over 100 players in the field, there was little room for sheltering all the
carts once the dreaded blast of the horn sounded.
Conveniently,
there was a very large tree behind the clubhouse that provided great shelter
for the carts and, of course, the clubs, from the building rain. Cart after
cart piled up under this savior tree, and the players gathered inside.
The
covered back deck provided a great spot to sit and watch the rain fall, as I
sat comfortably in a white rocking chair atop the wooden surface.
As
I was sitting there, I happened to be staring straight at this large, seemingly
out of place tree. Well, Mother Nature decided it was out place as well, so she
struck it down with one giant flash of her might. Down went the tree, and it
took several unsuspecting carts with it as it tumbled to the pavement.
Many
poor golf clubs lost their lives that day, but play eventually resumed and
their loss was remembered and honored by all.
#9: The country club playing
partner who brought fine China with a cup of soup into the cart at the turn.
When
playing in a country club tournament, you never know what you are going to get,
especially when there is a blind draw for partners. Despite my professional
status, the members were kind of to let me tag along for this casual weekend
event.
I
drew an older individual that I was not previously acquainted with, and I
assume the golf course was not acquainted with him either, any golf course. He
had the courtesy of letting me drive the cart, which I didn’t realize was part
of his master plan until later in the day.
At
the turn, this individual stopped inside the clubhouse for lunch. He did not go
to the turn stand, but went to the actual dining room, and clearly did not
order this meal “to go.” After waiting a bit longer that I would have liked for
him to acquire his meal, he returned with a hot plate lunch with fine China
that included a bowl of soup. He proceeded to eat this meal, with real silverware,
as my passenger in the cart.
Have
you ever had the pressure of driving a golf cart while the old man to your
right tries to eat a bowl of boiling hot soup? I think not.
#8: My high school playing
partner who started yelling at me and crying after I made a putt, and his coach
drove him back to the clubhouse for a timeout.
We’ve
all had the playing partner who talks too much, or who won’t talk at all, or
the one who doesn’t understand proper etiquette, but few have experienced the
crier. This is a rare breed amongst golfers that only makes an appearance once
in a generation.
On
this particular day, I was paired with the top player from local another high
school in an after-school nine-hole dual match. On the sixth green, I knocked
in about a 30-footer to save par, because it was that kind of day, and this
individual was not too happy about it. He began yelling at me, saying, “You
would suck at golf if you couldn’t putt,” clearly he has missed the point of
this whole golf thing.
Anyway,
he worked himself up so much that he began crying, and crying loudly. Loud
enough that it drew the attention of his coach, who swooped in and kicked his
own player off the course. Rumor has it the player was suspended for multiple
tournaments, but we didn’t exactly become Facebook friends so I don’t know much
beyond the crying.
#7: Staying with high
school, because why not, that kid who showed up to golf tryouts with one club
and a plastic bag of balls.
High
school has so many wonderful memories, well not for me, but I’m sure for
someone. But this memory is one that will forever make me chuckle. Day one of
tryouts, which take place roughly a month before school even begins, a young,
wide-eyed freshman walked toward the bag drop with his mother, ready to begin
the qualifier.
This
bashful adolescent did not have a golf bag, he was not wearing golf shoes, and
he certainly was not sporting a golf cap. Rather, he was dressed in gym clothes
with a single golf club in one hand, an iron of some kind, and a plastic
grocery bag full of golf balls in the other. Maybe he was hiding his glove and
tees in his pockets, but not likely.
Sadly enough, our coach
asked him to leave before we could ever see the kid hit a golf ball. We might
have passed on the next Tiger Woods, at least the version of Tiger who had the
chipping yips a few months ago.
#6: The crazy wildlife of
the links, like the iguana that tormented me after pumping back-to-back drives
into the Puerto Rican water
As a freshman in college in my first semester
on campus, my golf game caught fire and I was rolling through the season as the
team’s top player.
St.
John’s used to host an annual event in Puerto Rico, and somehow they must have
made a mistake and invited my team. Anyway, round one was smooth sailing for me
as I entered a par five on the back nine at three-under, unfortunately I left
the hole two-over, you do the math.
This
hole turns sharply to the right with water along the entire right side of the
fairway. After slicing back-to-back balls well into the lumberyard, my coach
was kind enough to capture this image of my one-arm finish and the unimpressed
iguana.
Unlike
this squirrel, that was very impressed by my spikeless FootJoy shoe and would
not leave me alone. Wildlife on the golf course, you never know what you’re
going to get.
#5: More from Mother Nature,
this time the tornado that rolled through a college golf tournament, which is
actual pretty typical college golf weather.
The
scene of this bizarre occurrence was the N.C. State golf course in Raleigh. It
was an unusually windy day from the start, making the conditions difficult on
an already challenging track. However, it seemed to be getting more and windy
as the round progressed, almost to an unnatural level.
The
sky began to get significantly darker as the gusts reached an unplayable level.
One of my playing partners set his ball down on the green, only to have it blow
all the way off the surface into the rough.
The weather horns blew, but
it was too late. That day, about 100 college golfers witnessed a tornado roll
through the great state of North Carolina, hitting about a mile from our
location. The clubhouse lost power, our hotel lost power, really the whole town
lost power, and many people lost their homes. But the heavy stuff didn’t come
down for quite a while...
If only every round looked like this beautiful moment I captured in Arizona.
#4: The cart caddie that took
the cart, and the clubs, for a swim.
I
was playing in an amateur event that provided each group with two cart caddies,
with each cart housing two sets of precious clubs. Naturally, the volunteers
for the job were older individuals, to be polite. One particular older fellow
tried to park the cart at the top of a hill, before walking down to the edge of
the water to help the players look for a ball. The key word in the last
sentence is “tried.” Clearly he failed to lock the brakes, and the cart began
heading down the slope toward definite doom.
This
was the day the golf clubs took a swim, and so did one of the players to
retrieve the clubs. Luckily it was a warm, summer day. Between lightning
hitting trees and old men driving golf carts, the clubs don’t stand a chance.
#3: The playing partner in a
mini tour event who was DQ’ed and didn’t know it, and I had to tell him to
leave.
Some
professional tours are operated at a higher level than others, after you hear
this story, you will know where this tour ranks on the scale, although it will
remain unnamed. The tournament was held at the Stonebridge Golf Club in Albany,
Ga. The tour at hand has an 86-rule, meaning that if your score is higher than
that overly generous threshold, you are not to return the subsequent day.
I
happened to be paired with an individual whose scorecard read something well
north of that mark, and the letters “DQ” were next to his name on the digital
scoreboard. However, when golfers shoot a score as high as this particular
player did, they tend not to look at any scoreboards. Nobody told him about the
rule, thus he showed up the next day ready to return to the links.
I
stared at him as he warmed up, wondering if I should say something. Clearly
someone from the tour would tell him, right? Well, on the first tee, the
starter has a card ready to go for this player. He was the first to play and
the starter announced his name, and he addressed the ball, ready to begin his
eyesore of a takeaway any moment. I then stepped in at the last instant like a
white knight and saved the day for myself and the third party of the group, as
I informed the player of the news.
He
didn’t question my information, he simply thanked me, grabbed his antique
sticks and headed for the exit.
2. The playing partner in an
amateur event who walked into the woods and never returned.
Up
to this point, you may have believed me, but now you are skeptical. But to
those skeptics I say, who hasn’t wanted to disappear on the golf course at some
point in their lives. Well, this particular person was smart enough to do it.
To
give this player the proper privacy due for the legendary story he provided me,
I will simply say it took place at an amateur event somewhere in Ohio. He was
having a rough day, obviously, and had just hit his tee shot right into the
woods. The other player in the group and myself were getting tired of helping
him look for balls, and got a little lazy in providing aid this time. We both
continued to our balls in the fairway and hit our shots while the third player
was looking for his ball, or at least we thought he was looking.
After
waiting several minutes, we walked back to his location, but there was no sign
of life. To this day, I do not know what happened to this individual, your
guess is as good as mine.
#1: My college golf coach
who spent 36 holes picking nuts and berries for his mom in the woods, only to
find that they could actually kill her.
This
spectacularly peculiar event needs little elaboration. My college golf coach
enjoyed entertaining himself while the lucky five souls he dragged to the links
trekked around the course for those long, grueling 36-hole days. On this fateful
day, my coach decided to spend his time picking nuts and berries in the woods
as a gift for his elderly mother.
By
the end of the day, he had a grocery bag full of goodies and a look of
satisfaction on his face. That bag of random articles of nature made it all the
way back to campus. However, before passing on the sack to his innocent mother,
my coach developed an itch and began to have breakouts. After researching the
contents of his mystery pouch, he realized he had acquired a sack of death.
In
college golf, you must beware of the tornadoes and the berries, they’ll get
ya’. Oh yeah, watch out for gators too!
